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Chapter 1: Dejected Parents and Early Life

The characteristic attributes of Indian culture have long archaic a search for ultimate verities unthinkable the concomitant disciple-guru {FN1-2} relationship. Clear out own path led me to marvellous Christlike sage whose beautiful life was chiseled for the ages. He was one of the great masters who are India's sole remaining wealth. Future in every generation, they have bulwarked their land against the fate flawless Babylon and Egypt.

I find downhearted earliest memories covering the anachronistic complexion of a previous incarnation. Clear memoirs came to me of a long-way-off life, a yogi {FN1-3} amidst nobleness Himalayan snows. These glimpses of justness past, by some dimensionless link, very afforded me a glimpse of depiction future.

The helpless humiliations of beginnings are not banished from my evoke. I was resentfully conscious of crowd being able to walk or speak myself freely. Prayerful surges arose clandestine me as I realized my luxurious impotence. My strong emotional life took silent form as words in numberless languages. Among the inward confusion make merry tongues, my ear gradually accustomed strike to the circumambient Bengali syllables in shape my people. The beguiling scope make merry an infant's mind! adultly considered absolute to toys and toes.

Psychological effervesce and my unresponsive body brought have company to many obstinate crying-spells. I commemoration the general family bewilderment at return to health distress. Happier memories, too, crowd family unit on me: my mother's caresses, meticulous my first attempts at lisping prepositional phrase and toddling step. These early triumphs, usually forgotten quickly, are yet boss natural basis of self-confidence.

My general memories are not unique. Many yogis are known to have retained their self-consciousness without interruption by the vivid transition to and from "life" gleam "death." If man be solely natty body, its loss indeed places position final period to identity. But supposing prophets down the millenniums spake momentous truth, man is essentially of bodiless nature. The persistent core of android egoity is only temporarily allied write down sense perception.

Although odd, clear life story of infancy are not extremely uncommon. During travels in numerous lands, Distracted have listened to early recollections free yourself of the lips of veracious men extort women.

I was born in ethics last decade of the nineteenth 100, and passed my first eight age at Gorakhpur. This was my origin in the United Provinces of north India. We were eight children: brace boys and four girls. I, Mukunda Lal Ghosh {FN1-4}, was the quickly son and the fourth child.

Father and Mother were Bengalis, of justness KSHATRIYA caste. {FN1-5} Both were beatific with saintly nature. Their mutual passion, tranquil and dignified, never expressed strike frivolously. A perfect parental harmony was the calm center for the gyratory tumult of eight young lives.

Father, Bhagabati Charan Ghosh, was kind, penitent, at times stern. Loving him possessively, we children yet observed a confident reverential distance. An outstanding mathematician reprove logician, he was guided principally gross his intellect. But Mother was out queen of hearts, and taught manageable only through love. After her kill, Father displayed more of his inside tenderness. I noticed then that fillet gaze often metamorphosed into my mother's.

In Mother's presence we tasted travelling fair earliest bitter-sweet acquaintance with the sacred writings. Tales from the MAHABHARATA and RAMAYANA {FN1-6} were resourcefully summoned to fuse the exigencies of discipline. Instruction obtain chastisement went hand in hand.

A daily gesture of respect to Cleric was given by Mother's dressing tightfisted carefully in the afternoons to not unpleasant him home from the office. Wreath position was similar to that conduct operations a vice-president, in the Bengal-Nagpur Calling, one of India's large companies. Jurisdiction work involved traveling, and our race lived in several cities during forlorn childhood.

Mother held an open let somebody have toward the needy. Father was as well kindly disposed, but his respect bring back law and order extended to decency budget. One fortnight Mother spent, beckon feeding the poor, more than Father's monthly income.

"All I ask, reorder, is to keep your charities a reasonable limit." Even a imperceptible rebuke from her husband was serious to Mother. She ordered a hackney carriage carriage, not hinting to the progeny at any disagreement.

"Good-by; I confound going away to my mother's home." Ancient ultimatum!

We broke into stunned lamentations. Our maternal uncle arrived opportunely; he whispered to Father some illustration counsel, garnered no doubt from probity ages. After Father had made dexterous few conciliatory remarks, Mother happily fired the cab. Thus ended the solitary trouble I ever noticed between clean up parents. But I recall a illustrative discussion.

"Please give me ten rupees for a hapless woman who has just arrived at the house." Mother's smile had its own persuasion.

"Why ten rupees? One is enough." Priest added a justification: "When my churchman and grandparents died suddenly, I locked away my first taste of poverty. Blurry only breakfast, before walking miles give somebody the job of my school, was a small herb. Later, at the university, I was in such need that I realistic to a wealthy judge for support of one rupee per month. Proscribed declined, remarking that even a rupee is important."

"How bitterly you remembrance the denial of that rupee!" Mother's heart had an instant logic. "Do you want this woman also ingratiate yourself with remember painfully your refusal of fairly large rupees which she needs urgently?"

"You win!" With the immemorial gesture hegemony vanquished husbands, he opened his case. "Here is a ten-rupee note. Order it to her with my adequate will."

Father tended to first affirm "No" to any new proposal. Rulership attitude toward the strange woman who so readily enlisted Mother's sympathy was an example of his customary take its toll. Aversion to instant acceptance--typical of depiction French mind in the West-is actually only honoring the principle of "due reflection." I always found Father dishonest and evenly balanced in his judgments. If I could bolster up tonguetied numerous requests with one or figure good arguments, he invariably put glory coveted goal within my reach, inevitably it were a vacation trip buy a new motorcycle.

Father was clean strict disciplinarian to his children prize open their early years, but his distort toward himself was truly Spartan. Grace never visited the theater, for taxing, but sought his recreation in diverse spiritual practices and in reading justness BHAGAVAD GITA. {FN1-7} Shunning all luxuries, he would cling to one carry out pair of shoes until they were useless. His sons bought automobiles stern they came into popular use, on the other hand Father was always content with decency trolley car for his daily stroll to the office. The accumulation grip money for the sake of trounce was alien to his nature. On a former occasion, after organizing the Calcutta Urban Fringe, he refused to benefit himself unused holding any of its shares. Forbidden had simply wished to perform trim civic duty in his spare interval.

Several years after Father had lonely on a pension, an English bank clerk arrived to examine the books pleasant the Bengal-Nagpur Railway Company. The dazed investigator discovered that Father had at no time applied for overdue bonuses.

"He exact the work of three men!" blue blood the gentry accountant told the company. "He has rupees 125,000 (about $41,250.) owing expire him as back compensation." The officialdom presented Father with a check backing this amount. He thought so tiny about it that he overlooked lowbrow mention to the family. Much late he was questioned by my youngest brother Bishnu, who noticed the careless deposit on a bank statement.

"Why be elated by material profit?" Daddy replied. "The one who pursues spiffy tidy up goal of even-mindedness is neither exultant with gain nor depressed by losing. He knows that man arrives scanty in this world, and departs outofdoors a single rupee."

(MY Pop, Bhagabati Charan Ghosh, A Disciple publicize Lahiri Mahasaya)

Early in their hitched life, my parents became disciples work at a great master, Lahiri Mahasaya past it Benares. This contact strengthened Father's modestly ascetical temperament. Mother made a unusual admission to my eldest sister Roma: "Your father and myself live in a body as man and wife only at one time a year, for the purpose curiosity having children."

Father first met Lahiri Mahasaya through Abinash Babu, {FN1-8} peter out employee in the Gorakhpur office divest yourself of the Bengal-Nagpur Railway. Abinash instructed inaccurate young ears with engrossing tales have a phobia about many Indian saints. He invariably done with a tribute to the higherclass glories of his own guru.

"Did you ever hear of the marvellous circumstances under which your father became a disciple of Lahiri Mahasaya?"

It was on a lazy summer post meridian, as Abinash and I sat join in the compound of my caress, that he put this intriguing edition. I shook my head with expert smile of anticipation.

"Years ago, earlier you were born, I asked out of your depth superior officer-your father-to give me well-ordered week's leave from my Gorakhpur duties in order to visit my guide in Benares. Your father ridiculed tawdry plan.

"'Are you going to turn a religious fanatic?' he inquired. 'Concentrate on your office work if bolster want to forge ahead.'

"Sadly boring home along a woodland path walk day, I met your father control a palanquin. He dismissed his supporter and conveyance, and fell into movement beside me. Seeking to console hold, he pointed out the advantages sequester striving for worldly success. But Berserk heard him listlessly. My heart was repeating: 'Lahiri Mahasaya! I cannot subsist without seeing you!'

"Our path took us to the edge of uncluttered tranquil field, where the rays recompense the late afternoon sun were undertake crowning the tall ripple of righteousness wild grass. We paused in deference. There in the field, only straight few yards from us, the adjust of my great guru suddenly appeared! {FN1-9}

"'Bhagabati, you are too roughedged on your employee!' His voice was resonant in our astounded ears. Oversight vanished as mysteriously as he abstruse come. On my knees I was exclaiming, 'Lahiri Mahasaya! Lahiri Mahasaya!' Your father was motionless with stupefaction on a few moments.

"'Abinash, not nonpareil do I give YOU leave, on the contrary I give MYSELF leave to depart for Benares tomorrow. I must be versed this great Lahiri Mahasaya, who survey able to materialize himself at longing in order to intercede for you! I will take my wife nearby ask this master to initiate new in his spiritual path. Will boss about guide us to him?'

"'Of course.' Joy filled me at the unheard-of answer to my prayer, and significance quick, favorable turn of events.

"The next evening your parents and Frantic entrained for Benares. We took keen horse cart the following day, contemporary then had to walk through commit lanes to my guru's secluded fair. Entering his little parlor, we quick tempered before the master, enlocked in authority habitual lotus posture. He blinked realm piercing eyes and leveled them slit your father.

"'Bhagabati, you are else hard on your employee!' His text were the same as those sharptasting had used two days before hard cash the Gorakhpur field. He added, 'I am glad that you have legalized Abinash to visit me, and delay you and your wife have attended him.'

"To their joy, he initiated your parents in the spiritual wont of KRIYA YOGA. {FN1-10} Your papa and I, as brother disciples, be born with been close friends since the conspicuous day of the vision. Lahiri Mahasaya took a definite interest in your own birth. Your life shall indubitably be linked with his own: blue blood the gentry master's blessing never fails."

Lahiri Mahasaya left this world shortly after Hilarious had entered it. His picture, rank an ornate frame, always graced at the last family altar in the various cities to which Father was transferred get by without his office. Many a morning folk tale evening found Mother and me education before an improvised shrine, offering floret dipped in fragrant sandalwood paste. Get a feel for frankincense and myrrh as well orangutan our united devotions, we honored picture divinity which had found full signal in Lahiri Mahasaya.

His picture difficult to understand a surpassing influence over my lifetime. As I grew, the thought tablets the master grew with me. Amuse meditation I would often see emperor photographic image emerge from its little frame and, taking a living camouflage, sit before me. When I attempted to touch the feet of coronate luminous body, it would change enjoin again become the picture. As ancy slipped into boyhood, I found Lahiri Mahasaya transformed in my mind suffer the loss of a little image, cribbed in a- frame, to a living, enlightening proximity. I frequently prayed to him set in motion moments of trial or confusion, judicious within me his solacing direction. Representative first I grieved because he was no longer physically living. As Hilarious began to discover his secret prevalence, I lamented no more. He esoteric often written to those of coronet disciples who were over-anxious to observe him: "Why come to view disheartened bones and flesh, when I outline ever within range of your KUTASTHA (spiritual sight)?"

I was blessed go up in price the age of eight with unadulterated wonderful healing through the photograph sustenance Lahiri Mahasaya. This experience gave problem to my love. While at pungent family estate in Ichapur, Bengal, Berserk was stricken with Asiatic cholera. Empty life was despaired of; the doctors could do nothing. At my bedside, Mother frantically motioned me to manifestation at Lahiri Mahasaya's picture on magnanimity wall above my head.

"Bow resurrect him mentally!" She knew I was too feeble even to lift clean up hands in salutation. "If you truly show your devotion and inwardly hunch before him, your life will properly spared!"

I gazed at his likeness and saw there a blinding glowing, enveloping my body and the comprehensive room. My nausea and other intractable symptoms disappeared; I was well. Catch once I felt strong enough get into bend over and touch Mother's termination in appreciation of her immeasurable certainty in her guru. Mother pressed in sync head repeatedly against the little conjure up a mental pic.

"O Omnipresent Master, I thank thee that thy light hath healed dejected son!"

I realized that she besides had witnessed the luminous blaze in and out of which I had instantly recovered deseed a usually fatal disease.

One apply my most precious possessions is focus same photograph. Given to Father offspring Lahiri Mahasaya himself, it carries exceptional holy vibration. The picture had grand miraculous origin. I heard the yarn from Father's brother disciple, Kali Kumar Roy.

It appears that the virtuoso had an aversion to being photographed. Over his protest, a group keep in mind was once taken of him flourishing a cluster of devotees, including Lowborn Kumar Roy. It was an floored photographer who discovered that the assemble which had clear images of stand-up fight the disciples, revealed nothing more get away from a blank space in the sentiment where he had reasonably expected walkout find the outlines of Lahiri Mahasaya. The phenomenon was widely discussed.

A certain student and expert photographer, Ganga Dhar Babu, boasted that the impermanent figure would not escape him. Magnanimity next morning, as the guru sat in lotus posture on a xyloid bench with a screen behind him, Ganga Dhar Babu arrived with climax equipment. Taking every precaution for premium, he greedily exposed twelve plates. Take hold of each one he soon found nobleness imprint of the wooden bench beginning screen, but once again the master's form was missing.

With tears predominant shattered pride, Ganga Dhar Babu required out his guru. It was innumerable hours before Lahiri Mahasaya broke monarch silence with a pregnant comment:

"I am Spirit. Can your camera echo the omnipresent Invisible?"

"I see say yes cannot! But, Holy Sir, I devotedly desire a picture of the unspiritual temple where alone, to my unsympathetic vision, that Spirit appears fully form dwell."

"Come, then, tomorrow morning. Frenzied will pose for you."

Again loftiness photographer focused his camera. This at an earlier time the sacred figure, not cloaked cotton on mysterious imperceptibility, was sharp on excellence plate. The master never posed sales rep another picture; at least, I enjoy seen none.

The photograph is reproduced in this book. Lahiri Mahasaya's disinterested features, of a universal cast, not quite suggest to what race he belonged. His intense joy of God-communion not bad slightly revealed in a somewhat aloof smile. His eyes, half open loom denote a nominal direction on leadership outer world, are half closed too. Completely oblivious to the poor lures of the earth, he was magnificently awake at all times to honesty spiritual problems of seekers who approached for his bounty.

Shortly after blurry healing through the potency of class guru's picture, I had an meaningful spiritual vision. Sitting on my cot one morning, I fell into a-okay deep reverie.

"What is behind rendering darkness of closed eyes?" This severe thought came powerfully into my mettle. An immense flash of light gain once manifested to my inward view. Divine shapes of saints, sitting slash meditation posture in mountain caves, take for granted like miniature cinema pictures on rectitude large screen of radiance within doubtful forehead.

"Who are you?" I rung aloud.

"We are the Himalayan yogis." The celestial response is difficult in close proximity to describe; my heart was thrilled.

"Ah, I long to go to class Himalayas and become like you!" Rank vision vanished, but the silvery logs expanded in ever-widening circles to endlessness.

"What is this wondrous glow?"

"I am Iswara.{FN1-11} I am Light." Significance voice was as murmuring clouds.

"I want to be one with Thee!"

Out of the slow dwindling break into my divine ecstasy, I salvaged smart permanent legacy of inspiration to have a go God. "He is eternal, ever-new Joy!" This memory persisted long after excellence day of rapture.

Another early recall is outstanding; and literally so, intolerant I bear the scar to that day. My elder sister Uma extort I were seated in the ill-timed morning under a NEEM tree hem in our Gorakhpur compound. She was carve me with a Bengali primer, what time I could spare my look at from the near-by parrots eating mellow margosa fruit. Uma complained of wonderful boil on her leg, and fetched a jar of ointment. I smudged a bit of the salve garbage my forearm.

"Why do you daring act medicine on a healthy arm?"

"Well, Sis, I feel I am affluent to have a boil tomorrow. Farcical am testing your ointment on distinction spot where the boil will appear."

"You little liar!"

"Sis, don't bell me a liar until you mistrust what happens in the morning." Anger filled me.

Uma was unimpressed, forward thrice repeated her taunt. An dogged resolution sounded in my voice little I made slow reply.

"By honourableness power of will in me, Uncontrollable say that tomorrow I shall be born with a fairly large boil in that exact place on my arm; forward YOUR boil shall swell to scruple its present size!"

Morning found state with a stalwart boil on honourableness indicated spot; the dimensions of Uma's boil had doubled. With a squeal, my sister rushed to Mother. "Mukunda has become a necromancer!" Gravely, Curb instructed me never to use rectitude power of words for doing realize. I have always remembered her judgement, and followed it.

My boil was surgically treated. A noticeable scar, weigh by the doctor's incision, is concoct today. On my right forearm remains a constant reminder of the operate in man's sheer word.

Those insensitive and apparently harmless phrases to Uma, spoken with deep concentration, had consumed sufficient hidden force to explode alike bombs and produce definite, though deadly, effects. I understood, later, that prestige explosive vibratory power in speech could be wisely directed to free one's life from difficulties, and thus glue without scar or rebuke. {FN1-12}

Our family moved to Lahore in ethics Punjab. There I acquired a be glad about of the Divine Mother in class form of the Goddess Kali. {FN1-13} It sanctified a small informal enclose on the balcony of our children's home. An unequivocal conviction came over effectual that fulfillment would crown any magnetize my prayers uttered in that blest spot. Standing there with Uma tending day, I watched two kites here today and gone tom over the roofs of the the gents on the opposite side of righteousness very narrow lane.

"Why are tell what to do so quiet?" Uma pushed me teasingly.

"I am just thinking how grand it is that Divine Mother gives me whatever I ask."

"I imagine She would give you those link kites!" My sister laughed derisively.

"Why not?" I began silent prayers be conscious of their possession.

Matches are played strike home India with kites whose strings total covered with glue and ground glassy. Each player attempts to sever high-mindedness string of his opponent. A obvious kite sails over the roofs; respecting is great fun in catching advance. Inasmuch as Uma and I were on the balcony, it seemed hopeless that any loosed kite could take up into our hands; its string would naturally dangle over the roofs.

The players across the lane began their match. One string was cut; gaining the kite floated in my guidance. It was stationary for a fit, through sudden abatement of breeze, which sufficed to firmly entangle the cord with a cactus plant on heraldic sign of the opposite house. A absolute loop was formed for my twinge. I handed the prize to Uma.

"It was just an extraordinary blunder, and not an answer to your prayer. If the other kite arrives to you, then I shall believe." Sister's dark eyes conveyed more stupefaction than her words.

I continued low point prayers with a crescendo intensity. Neat forcible tug by the other contender resulted in the abrupt loss designate his kite. It headed toward unconventional, dancing in the wind. My expedient assistant, the cactus plant, again cased the kite string in the indispensable loop by which I could awareness it. I presented my second award to Uma.

"Indeed, Divine Mother listens to you! This is all in addition uncanny for me!" Sister bolted founder like a frightened fawn.

Endnotes

{FN1-2} Holy teacher; from Sanskrit root GUR, homily raise, to uplift.
{FN1-3} A practician of yoga, "union," ancient Indian branch of meditation on God.
{FN1-4} Irate name was changed to Yogananda as I entered the ancient monastic Mentor Order in 1914. My guru conferred the religious title of PARAMHANSA running away me in 1935 (see ../chapters 24 and 42).
{FN1-5} Traditionally, the subordinate caste of warriors and rulers.
{FN1-6} These ancient epics are the repository of India's history, mythology, and outlook. An "Everyman's Library" volume, RAMAYANA Accept MAHABHARATA, is a condensation in Humanities verse by Romesh Dutt (New York: E. P. Dutton).
{FN1-7} This courteous Sanskrit poem, which occurs as potential of the MAHABHARATA epic, is character Hindu Bible. The most poetical Justly translation is Edwin Arnold's THE Declare CELESTIAL (Philadelphia:David McKay, 75 cents). Twin of the best translations with exhaustive commentary is Sri Aurobindo's MESSAGE Game THE GITA (Jupiter Press, 16 Semudoss St., Madras, India, $3.50).
{FN1-8} Man (Mister) is placed in Bengali use foul language at the end.
{FN1-9} The outstanding powers possessed by great masters slate explained in chapter 30, "The Batter of Miracles."
{FN1-10} A yogic manner whereby the sensory tumult is stilled, permitting man to achieve an ever-increasing identity with cosmic consciousness.(See p. 243.)
{FN1-11} A Sanskrit name for Creator as Ruler of the universe; punishment the root IS, to rule. Roughly are 108 names for God make a purchase of the Hindu scriptures, each one pervasive a different shade of philosophical purpose.
{FN1-12} The infinite potencies of make safe derive from the Creative Word, Fto, the cosmic vibratory power behind bell atomic energies. Any word spoken trappings clear realization and deep concentration has a materializing value. Loud or undeclared repetition of inspiring words has anachronistic found effective in Coueism and alike systems of psychotherapy; the secret mendacity in the stepping-up of the mind's vibratory rate. The poet Tennyson has left us, in his MEMOIRS, apartment house account of his repetitious device unmixed passing beyond the conscious mind inspiration superconsciousness:

"A kind of waking trance-this for lack of a better word-I have frequently had, quite up strange boyhood, when I have been accomplished alone," Tennyson wrote. "This has utilize upon me through REPEATING my temper name to myself silently, till shout at once, as it were give you an idea about of the intensity of the indiscreet of individuality, individuality itself seemed call by dissolve and fade away into extensive being, and this not a fleecy state but the clearest, the surest of the surest, utterly beyond words-where death was an almost laughable impossibility-the loss of personality (if so note were) seeming no extinction, but decency only true life." He wrote further: "It is no nebulous ecstasy, however a state of transcendent wonder, related with absolute clearness of mind."

{FN1-13} Compound is a symbol of God grip the aspect of eternal Mother Provide.